It's all about me

I Really Just Don't Have.

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 00:28:59 GMT

I am starting all over.
If you want to be in my life that is your choice.
I am not fighting to keep friends anymore.
I am just going to live and be myself.
There is only one person that I talk to anymore other then my family.
That person is the start to my new life.
No he is not my boyfriend.
He is just really close.
I don't fucking care anymore I am cleaning house.

Once Apon A Time......

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 02:08:46 GMT

So I have not writen in here in a really long time.
I have had alot of things in my life change.
I am still single and I have been since Craig and I broke up.
I was "seeing" Ryan but just like I thought things did not work out.
I think something bigger might be happening that I can't really talk to people about.
I am looking into getting a new place.
I mean I like my place but I don't think that things are going to work there and I think that Liz and David will do better there then I will.
I am sick of most people and there are very few people that I can still stand to be around.
That could partly have to do with my bigger problem.
I don't know what to do with myself anymore and I don't really know who to turn to.
I spend alot of time with Craig and I think its cause even though I have a hard time being in love with him I never doubt that he loves me.
I know that he is always going to be there for me.
I have been telling him everything and it has helped to releave alot of my stress.
I really would just love to have someone that will love me.
Someone that is going to take care of me and help me through this.
I thought that Ryan was going to help me with this but as of yet he has only complicated it more.
I wonder waht makes people cheat on me.
Am I really not that good of a gilrfriend?
My mom says that it is because I don't have enough rules.
She says that I have to say NO more often.
Now that I have started saying it more it has helped.
I think that I might continue to do so and see where it takes me.
Lovez ya

I don't really have alot to say.

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 22:56:08 GMT

But I did want to say that I love my Miss. Sasha!
I am so glad that she is happy that I am living with her.
I really hope that I do not make her mad or cause anything to be bad.
I am REALLY stressed all the time and I worry way to much!

So I did lose him

Sun, 18 Jan 2009 23:38:11 GMT

I lost him but I don't really care.
I am still fucking strugling with shit but whatever.
I am going to re-make myself and I am going to let Lust take over.
She is stronger and more confident.
She needs to take over for awhile cuz I am tierd.

I'm Losing It

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 21:59:50 GMT

I'm losing it again.
I thought that I had gotten so strong but it wasn't true.
I wanted to burn so bad the other day but I didn't.
I did pierce instead.
I love my new piercing and it makes me happy but I am sad that I "needed" to do it.
I hate all the fucking fighting that happens in the house that I am at.
What is worse is that I feel like I am losing Craig.
He is so wonderful and I don't want to lose him.
More then anything I want to be with him.
But he keeps pushing me away.
I have not talked to him in god knows how long.
I love that boy I really do but he needs to know that I have a hard time being this far away from him.
I know that we could make it we really could.
I am so scared that he does not want me and that he is going to move on.
I heard that he wants Amanda and that could be true.
He says on his myspace that he is yerning for the unreachable and that would kinda be her.
I am hurt right now and no amount of piercing is going to fix that for me.
I just want him to hold me.
Guys have been hurting me so much!
I know three guys that keep texting and calling me just asking for sex.
They don't even care that I am with someone.
None of them even want to be with me in the end.
It hurts so much to think that is all they want.
It makes me kinda think that maybe that is all guys ever want for me.
Maybe that is all that Craig wants and becuase he is not getting it he is going to leave.
I know that is kinda far fetched but I can't help but think like that.
Then there is this guy who really wants to be with me and take care of me here.
Well to be honest there are two but I don't think that either of them would work out.
I am so hurt and confused anymore.
I just want someone to love me.
It is tempting to go live on the streets again and whore myself.
That is all anyone wants and it would make my life easier and less stressful!
God now I am angry!
My mom is being so nosie and telling me what I can and can't do.
She kinda gave that up when I left.
I want to do piercings and bar tend, but no I can't do that.
I hate life right now and would really like it to end soon.
I kinda want to go fuck some random guy but I still love Craig and want him to be with me.

-Crys-

:]

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 22:07:32 GMT

I am moving to Texas!

It Will All End

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 22:03:18 GMT

It all will end soon

I Find It Kinda Funny

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 21:56:36 GMT

That I don't give a damn anymore.

Fuck Your World

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 22:35:43 GMT

I am going to live in my own. I hate all the shit that I have to put up with! I hate all the hurt that keeps happening to me and people that are around me. This is all fucking bull shit and I am done. I say fuck you to fake people and fuck you to people in power and fuck you to people who use other people. I am sick of all this bull shit. It is just me now. I am done with you all. No more pain and having to put up with all of you. Other then the people that I live with I am done with everything. I am sick of finding someone that I think might be good for me and then him turning in to an asshole. I am sick of saying I have a best friend and then them turning around on me. I am just sticking to my family and not the real ones either. I am going to live for me again. I am going to do shit for me and the way that I want to do it. You can all go fuck yourselfs. Done with your bull shit.

Fuck You ALL!

It's been awhile

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 23:34:12 GMT

It has been a long ass time since I have last posted.

Well Doug cheated on me so he got his sorry ass dumped.
I am living with my new adopted mom in PA.
I added a new piercing to my list.
I am still talking to my dad.
I have been seeing my amazing Superman.
He told me yesterday that just incase he did not come home from Forks, He wanted me to know he loves me.
I am really sick right now.
I might have Bronkites....(sp?)
I spend alot of my time high or drunk.
I don't miss my family at all.
That is kinda sad yet understandable.
I miss going to Sequim on Wen.
There are so many things that I love about my life right now though.
It has been kinda hard to keep up with people cuz I spend alot of time helping mom with stuff.
Mom and Bric have been working things out and things are so much better at the house.
I hate Pam and I really would like to kill her.
The other night when I was staying at Superman's Krista told Pam off.
I really wish that I had been there to see that.
My lip ring fell out today so I am wearing a clear spacer in it and it feels wierd.
Things are getting so much better.
I have a doctors appointment at the begining of next month to take care of the rest of my shit from the baby.
I lost 10lbs :)
That made me happy after the 35 I had gained.
Mom is going to be buying a house and she told me that I will have my own room.
She told me that I had to stay with them untill I was getting married and moving out.
She says that I am one of her girls now and she will treat me like one.
The new house will have a room for all of us girls, even Liz.
I have to make eating changes again cuz I was slaking on my meat intake and I got sick.
My poor body really just can't take it.
Since I stayed home sick today mom took me shopping with her.
It was really fun and I really like how it really feels like she is my mom.
She lays down the rules and I can get in trouble.
She has been taking care of me all day and makeing me take my meds.
Now I am kinda sleepy cuz of all the shit that she has been having me take. lol
I really want to get a pet.
Having my baby leave and only being able to see him one day a week really makes me sad.
I really do miss him when he is gone, and he says that he misses me.
Even his room mate Art says that he misses me.
I can't wait for his phone call tonight.
He trys to call me every night but sometimes he can't cuz he does not have signal.
Stupid Forks.
He moves in two months though :(
He will be moving to Shelton, that means that I will hardly get to see him ever.
That really makes me sad.
I really want to go see him now but I am scared that I will get him sick.
That and mom most likely wont let me ride the bus to Forks to go see him.
At least not while I am sick and on a school night.
DECA is coming up and I really need to get going on choseing a topic.
Well I have to go now I am going to fall asleep.
Laterz Lovez

Because today is taking forever.

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 23:06:23 GMT

So today is taking forever.
Normaly I would not care but I am going to Sequim in like 3 days.
Not moving yet but I will be job hunting. :)
I get to see my baby and my best friend.
How the hell could I be any happier?!?!?!?! lol
I finished my book and now I am really bored.
I would go outside and work on my tan but it is really crappy out there.
So I am stuck inside doing nothing.
I have listen to the same play list at least a thousand times.
I think I might do my eyebrows and maybe cut my hair.
Maybe watch some cartoons. lol

Doug is amazing.
Randomly through out the day he will send me a text to say he loves me.
Or he will send me a picture.
I have millions of him now.
He sends me some of him blowing kisses or saying he loves me or other crazy things.
He says he is going crazy without me and I would have to say I know how he feels.
Its really funny that I have never even kissed the guy and I am still so in love with him.
One of the biggest things that is emportant to me is that he cares about me.
And Sasha :)
He is so polite and yet he can be a total ass.
Just like me!
I love that boy.

I went to the lake with Blaine the other day and it was tons of fun!
We splashed and the threw me in.
And dumped a water bottle on me.
It was good he made me smile which is something I don't do much anymore.
(Unless Doug is involved. lol)

I get to see Sasha soon!!!!!!!

I am so F***ing happy!

Doug

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 05:15:54 GMT

So this is that part of my journal were I scream.........

I LOVE YOU DOUG!

Hahaha ok yeah so I love Doug.
He is so amazing he told me today that he was falling in love with me and to be honest I am falling in love with him.
We had a text date cuz I can't see him right now.
I really want to be with him he is simply amazing!
He makes me all gigglie and happy.
I want to do my nails and listen to girlie love songs.
For those of you that know me, that is so not something that I normaly do.
We send eachother pictures throughout the day so that we can "see" eachother.
Today I was talking to him and I told him that I wanted a puppy and he said "We can do that."
I was like we can do what.
He says "We can get a puppy"
I have a boyfriend that wants to get a puppy with me.
That is only something that I dreamed about.
He is like my fairy tale prince coming to save me.
He knows me so well already it is so easy to talk to him.
He lived a life that is so much like mine which makes it so that he sees where I am coming from.
He wants to take me away and he wants to be with me.
He told me today that he wanted to be with me forever.
We have even talked about having kids.
I mean Oh My God this guy is amazing!

On another note I miss Sasha!!!!!!
I miss wakeing up and seeing her feet!
I took a picture of her feet and I look at it sometimes when I feel sad.
It sounds really funny but that is one of my comfort things.
I also go to walmart and smell the vanilla frosting lotion that she uses.
I listen to songs that we listen to in her car and in her room but it just makes me miss her more.
I can't wait to get back to her.
She is the best friend that I could ever ask for.
Yeah we go through shit and sometimes we fight but I know that she will always be there for me.
I hope that she knows that I will always be there for her.
Her family has become like my family and I don't know what I would do without them.
Mom is the mom I never had and Tati is the sister I need.
Sasha is my best friend, Sister, and Secret lover (sorry Deven lol)

Well I have to go now and help mom with her shit.
Soon I will be gone and I don't know what the fuck she is going to do.
Later Lovez

Finally I see light

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 05:34:54 GMT

I MIGHT BE MOVING HOME!
(I most likely am and I can't wait!)

I might be moving to Sequim.
Yeah that means I will have to go to Sequim High School but at least I will be home.

Doug is truly amazing!
My phone is being shitty though so I don't get to talk to people as much as I would like.
Jake has not talked to me other then to yell at me and tell me that he still wants me.
Justin is trying to get back with me but I can't tell him I'm with Doug cuz that would cause truble.
My mom called me a slut today.
I do go out with quiet a few guys but no way in hell do I sleep with them all.
I made the mistake of sleeping with someone that I wish that I hadn't.
I am not going to do that again.
I don't know if I am going to sleep with Doug.
I am pretty sure that at some point that I will.
But I don't want to rush things.
I know that I am going to fall asleep in his arms over and over.
He wants to take me away and take me to somewhere warm. :)
He makes my world so much happier.

This morning mom was looking at my phone and she was like who is that guy.
I said that is my boyfriend Doug.
She says Oh Ok.

She is making plans for me to move that way I am so much happier.
Things will start to get better once I am back with my Sasha, Doug, and Donisi!

Love at first sight?

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 02:44:22 GMT

I don't believe in love at first sight.
But I do believe in knowing that someone is going to play a big part in your life.
That would be my Doug.
Yeah he was engaged when I met him.
But now he is mine.
No I didn't steal him the broke up months befor he was mine.
But I always knew that he was special and that he would be important.
Well befor I left I told him that I loved him and that everything was gonna be ok.
Well the other night he called me and we started talking.
He told me he was coming to get me and that my mom could just deal with it.
He called himself a possible boyfriend and I liked the sound of that.
Later that night after about two hours of talking like we had known eachother forever he asked me something.
He said "I have a question but I want to ask you in person but I am wondering what the answer is."
I said "Yes"
He said "Do you want to know my answer?"
I said "Yes"
He said "You just answered it."
He sends me pic and texts through out the day that make me smile and blush.
He tells me that no guy should have treated me the way that they did and that he is going to take care of me.
He has a job and a car.
He told me he is going to help me get my license.
He is planning on getting us a place for when I turn 18.
I trust him.
Really I do and I know that I do that alot but he is so much like me and people do the same thing to him.
We talked about that last night and we are going to make eachother better.
He makes me happy.
And like really happy not fake happy.
Hell we even talked about getting a puppy!
He was so happy last night.
He knows that I wont fuck him over and I am pretty sure that he wont do that to me.
He just sent me a text that says -playful nibbles your ear-
He wishes that he was with me all the time and when he can't he acts like he can.
When I miss him he tells me to think about things like him holding me.
It's almost like he is there.
With all the creepy things that my friends can do he might be.
One of the great things about him is that he is the same thing that I have come to love in other guys.
Only he does not leave marks.
He is a child of the night to so things work out great.
I love how he cares about me makes sure I eat and sleep and that I am warm etc.
I love that boy more and more.
Later Lovez

GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKER

Sat, 02 Aug 2008 20:40:23 GMT

I HATE YOU JAKE! YOU MADE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU AND THEN RIPPED IT AWAY AFTER YOU TOLD ME YOU WOULD NEVER LET ME HURT AGAIN. DIE AND GO TO HELL. -CRYING- JUST TAKE ME WITH YOU WHEN YOU GO.

I made myself sick

Sun, 27 Jul 2008 23:55:04 GMT

I did it agian.
Lust hurt somebody. I didn't mean to yet it happened.
How could I do it. Someone else wants to kill themself.
And to top it all off I am probably hurting Jake right now cuz I am hurting and I am mad.
I am like an animal when I get hurt I get mad and I pull away I don't want people to touch me.
Alot of times I snap at people even when they had nothing to do with it.
I can't believe I did that.
I don't even really know the difference between love and lust anymore.
Right now I know that the person that says they love me likes to hurt me.
I am so lost and confused and hurt I don't know what to do.
I really want to be held.
I wish that Travis would call me. He is the one that I really wish that I was with right now. I want someone to hold me and kiss me softly I can't even remember what that feels like it has been so long.
Johnny was the last person to do that. That is sad to say but it is true. Johnny really is a good guy and sadly right now I miss him and it is tempting to call him and tell him that I need him to hold me.
That would just end up hurting more people and I know that is not good but I am hurting and I keep hiding it under Lust.
I know this kinda makes me sound like a skitzo but maybe I have become one. Maybe to cover up all the shit and the hurt I have made this other person. Someone that can't get hurt cuz I do get hurt way to much as it is.
Yay now I just hurt Jake. Go me! He hates Johnny, Johnny is the reason that Jake and I "broke up" in the first place.
Maybe I am just not ment to be with anyone. Maybe I cause more hurt then I do happyness.
I really want to burn myself. I think I might. This is just way to much shit for me to deal with.
Maybe one of these days I will kill myself for real. Maybe I wont just dream about it. Maybe when that day comes I will stop hurting people.
Laterz Lovez

Life is funny

Sun, 27 Jul 2008 08:34:08 GMT

Life is funny how it works out. Sometimes things happen that you never expected would. Things like be getting back together with Jake I thought that I had fucked up all my chances with him. My grandma kicking me out of her house telling me that I should go back to first ave. where I belong. My best friend and I haveing a fight about her ex boyfriend. Her ex boyfriend telling me that he loved me and wanted to be with me. My mom getting re married and marrying Jeff. My mom getting pragnet again. Me letting myself cry. Crying cuz cloths don't fit and caring about how much a waigh and what I look like. My mom letting me do things the way that I want to some dagree. Thinking about how much I hurt and how people hurt me. Getting back into the pill selling bussiness. Meeting lots of new people. Wanting to move back to PA. Letting Jake bite the shit out of me even though it hurts like hell. (Really not likeing all that pain.)

It's just funny how all that happens and most of the time I don't even see it comeing or I don't think that it could even be possable.

Crying all the time

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 18:28:07 GMT

So I am really really home sick! I would give anything to go back home! I really want to find a way that I can do that. This morning I was so home sick that I threw up. I am tierd of all the shit that goes on with not haveing somewhere to live. I know that if I were to go back to PA I would have more opptions!
Laterz Lovez

This is going to be a long one.

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 20:23:07 GMT

So I have moved.

Yeah at first I was not to happy but at this point I don't really care.

I got my wisdom teeth pulled so that shit is done and my head will stop hurting.

My boyfriend broke up with me cuz of something stupid that him and his friends did while they were house sitting my house and got me into trouble.

My best friend Jake is dealing with some shit that I wish I could help him with.

I got Miha and Jake back on talking terms and there is no more shit going on with that fight.

Sasha and I don't really talk very much anymore which is sad. I don't know what to do with that though. I don't know what happend so I can't really fix it.

I have acwiered a new name. Lust.

I have been looking into being a punk model rep here in "the city",

I started talking to my dad for the first time in so many years. I am kinda hopeing that he will be able to help me with some shit.

I have made some new friends that I am in love with! They are amazing! (Sad that they old ones seem to be going away though)

I went to a party. Got trashed. Had people do body shots off me and I lost my cloths :P fun night! Chipped my tooth though :(

I have had some really good meaningful talks with some people and I have done things that I never thought that I would do.

I have learned alot about myself and I have learned alot about what I need to do to be happy and sucseful in this life.

I have seen people unhappy and I have made them happy. I have set people free if only for one night. (Not sex)

My mom has realized that I am almost 18 and has started to treat me that way. It is good she has trusted me more and she is letting me start to do my own thing which is really nice for a change.

I am getting a tattoo hopefully next weekend.

I have learned alot about love. I have learned also about lust.

I have smoked so much pot latly and drank so much. I have been living life and trying thing.

I have learned about things I like and things that I don't like.

I have also learned that things change and if you are not free to be what you want and to do what you want then it is not worth living.

I will not let little things hold me back anymore.

Laterz Lovez

Getting Closer

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 23:19:24 GMT

The day that I leave is getting closer. All my stuff is packed and ready to go. I really still do not want to move. I am planning on moving back to Port Angeles befor the next school year so that I can graduate with everyone. I really don't like the way that my life can be changed by the way that someone else wants things for them. It makes me really mad that I have VERY little control over what is going to happen. And to top it all off I might have done something really stupid! The only fucking good thing that has happend in a very long time is that I have a boyfriend that might be good for me this time. He is pretty fucking amazing and makes me really happy. But being the fuck up that I am I will most likely mess it up if my stupidaty has not already done it for me. My best friend is upset and sick and it makes me want to cry. My mom is really set on things being done her way or no way. My grandma is not happy that my mom is still with Jeff. I am not happy that she is still with Jeff and that I might have to see him. Jeff is the same loser that he always is. My sisters hate me still. Beau is still my only friend in the house. I don't know how the hell we will be able to all fit in my great grandma's house. I really don't feel good right now. I don't feel like doing anything anymore. Could be becuase I was stupid. I really want to get a tattoo done so that 1. It will take my mind off things. 2. I need the pain. 3. I just want it done. I got my needles that I had Sasha order though so now I can stab myself. The only problem is that my mom will most likely see them and flip. But at this point I don't really give a shit. I am pretty pissed off!
Later Lovez

Hurt

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 03:27:25 GMT

I am really sick of getting hurt.

I am not going to try this boy thing again any time soon.

I think that I should say something.

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 03:06:00 GMT

I am not dead!

Ok no really. So I finaly got laid lol. Twice. Well really three times lol. Two different guys. I finaly kinda started to get over Johnny. The biggest step was to fuck him and then leave not say anything. I did it. It was over. It was kinda funny cuz he had sex on E and so he couldn't really do it any more and now he can't really do it anymore. Hehehe Well that is not the really great part. I met a new guy. (I know you are thinking what is new). Well he is amazing and I really think that he is this time. Or at least I hope that he is. And he was WONDERFUL in bed. He was so sweet and he made me feel so hot! I think that he is amazing and that maybe, just maybe we might work.

In other news. I can't wait to move!!!!!! I am so FUCKING sick of my house! I REALLY REALLY hope that on the 20th I can get out!

Confused

Mon, 05 May 2008 07:40:44 GMT

I don't really know what is going on. I don't know maybe it is something wrong with me.....Well anyways. So I can't seem to get a guy. Yeah it pretty much sucks. I can't do it. I can wear very little cloths and flirt and everything and still not get a guy. Dude I could do just about anything and still not get one. I know that kinda sounds whorey but it is true. Like tonight we were chilling with Jo and Sasha said I should go for it. So I didn't fight it I would have let him kiss me and shit, but no. He didn't do anything but flirt and talk big. Yeah. I can't seem to get a guy that is not a pussy. It is starting to make me really mad. I guess that I can't really do anything about it though. I just really wish that I could know if I was doing something wrong. I can't seem to find a good guy and if I do I can't keep him. It really sucks. It makes me want to cry kinda. To bad that I can't cry. I would if I could right now. I am in a pretty depresed mood and I really don't feel good. I am going to not work tomorrow and go shopping with Sasha. Maybe that will make me feel a little better. I doubt it, but it is worth a try. I wish that Jo was still here cuz even if there is something wrong with me at least he makes me smile. Instead I get to IM fucking Johnny and he is telling me all about all his stupid little problems I am pretty much fucking sick of it. I am getting hurt over and over again. He thinks that I am kidding when I say that I am hurt and having problems or when I ask him what I did wrong. I am being fucking serious. Whatever, he drives me crazy. Well he is kinda listening now. I doubt that it will last more then a few seconds though. Yeah didn't last long he asked what was wrong and I told him and now he doesn't care. I don't know why I even try with him. Later Lovez

Have not posted in FOREVER

Sun, 04 May 2008 06:48:34 GMT

Well tonight I went to a show with Sasha. It was fun! I love death metel. Jo was there and he was hitting on me hardcore. Like today at work I was doing my cart hour and he asked for my number, when I gave it to him he was like "Oh yeah I got the diggets" I mean really. Then he was leaving and he was like I am going to call you. He is such a dork. But he is really sweet and he has helped me through alot of shit. Like the other night when all I posted is Johnny is a pussy. Well what happened was that Johnny was drunk so he had guts to say that he liked me. Well I told him that the only time that he ever likes me is when he is drunk. He got pissed and we got in a huge fight. Jo tried to make it better and he ended up staying up with me till like 4 in the morning talking and trying to make me feel better. He is really sweet and really funny and I love him to peices. I am just not sure about dating him yet. With Jake that was stupid and I just wanted to be over Johnny (that didn't work) Then with Chaz it was kinda the same thing. Only Chaz was sweet and made me happy. So I don't want Jo the end up being like one of then. Besides all that I am really still stuck on Johnny. I love that boy so much. I wish that he could just see that. I don't know how to make him see it though I have tried everything. I just kinda sit around and wait now. The other night when he was over at Sasha's with me and Jo, Jo and I were talking about how I have the skills to make a guy nut without even touching him. Sasha said "Oh yeah you were talking to Crumm about that." Well Johnny thought that she said that I fucked Crumm. He got all pissed and left the room and started drinking. I came out and was like dude whats up. He said that he didn't didn't even want to know what I fucking did with Crumm. I told him that I didn't do anything with Crumm and he was like oh ok. Then he was all better. I called him later and was like why did that bug you so much and he was like I don't know it just did. He confuses me so much I really don't know what to do with myself most of the time. He makes me so angry and happy and sad all at the same time. I wish that I had all the answers on what to do.

On another note Sasha is upset and that is really making me upset cuz now I kinda feel like I might have done something. Or maybe I should have done something. I know that she isn't feeling good but I think that there is something else wrong. I wish that I could figure it out and help her. I want to make her world perfect and I wish that I could. I don't know what to do half of the time though. Life is so hard sometimes I think that it would be so easy to just give up.

I kinda feel like crying right now but I can't. I try but I can't. When Jo was over he tried to get me to cry so that I would feel better but I couldn't do it and that just made me mad.

I really hate this being single thing to. I kinda get left out of alot of stuff. It makes me feel great.

I want a chicken sadwich and curly fries from Jack In The Box. I have no money though. :(

Oh and then there is Mike. He said the other night that he loves me and wishes that he could be with me. He can't right now cuz he is with someone else. He was going to be with me and then he asked her first. He says that he wishes that he would have asked me in the first place. I don't really know what I think of that. I don't really know anything anymore.

I really want to party.

Oh and mom and Jeff are most likely going to get back together. That will just make me fucking happy. I really need to get out of that house. I am so sick of living there! I don't know how to though. Mom goes back on what she says SO much. I really don't want to have to deal with the courts again cuz that was a huge fucking mess!

I kinda with that Jo was here so that I could talk to him. I feel kinda dumb talking to myself about all this shit.

I can't wait for my life to start getting better. I hope that it is soon! I wish that I knew what things I had to do to make it start getting better!

Later Lovez

Pissed.

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 07:25:52 GMT

Johnny is a fucking pussy!
Good night